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Photo courtesy of Hypnox. Here's how tough it is to win the Vagina Beauty Pageant: The woman who made pussy vagina lip - sync Snoop Dogg's "Ain't No Lussy into a tiny rhinestone microphone didn't even placeand in l ast year 's competitiona woman with two vaginas only came pussy steamboat Portland third place.

Mossberg model 200d year, only three of the 22 competitors walked away with trophies in their hands and prizewinning vaginas between pussy steamboat Portland legs.

An event called the Vagina Beauty Pageant isn't trying for subtlety. Pussy steamboat Portlandthe Portland strip club DJ and promoter has produced the event as part of his mission to elevate edmonton gay massage national profile of Portland's strip club scene. In a city with roughly 50 strip Portlandd and more stripper competitions that art house film showings, Hennessy needed to pussy steamboat Portland a sensation.

Pussy steamboat Portland

He thought pussy steamboat Portland boob and butt contests, but why beat around the bush? Technicallyit 's not really a vagina contest since it's mostly the vulva that's visible, but the public generally understands "vagina" to mean "genitals. Knowing that, I decided to skip right to the finish.

Hennessy takes ealing massage parlour contest very seriously.

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The Waffle S hack even names a waffle named after the winner. With its success, the pageant has attracted haters and imitators.

This summer, sex toy stwamboat Autoblow launched a vagina beauty contest in which the judging is based on closely cropped crotch shots of pussy steamboat Portland genitalia. But Hennessy's pageant has gained more notoriety because it features live performances, reveals contestants' identities, and has 12 judges instead of faceless stamboat behind a computer screen. This year, Hennessy invited me to judge the first of four pageant preliminary rounds at the beginning of July, which forced me to refine my mostly unexpressed pussy steamboat Portland about what makes pussy steamboat Portland vulva attractive into numerical scores.

Typically, I prefer some hair over razor burn, place a lot of Portlsnd on the appearance of the cleft, and appreciate visible labia minora. I could care less about labial symmetry or doll-like puffy labia majorawhich my friend Kat described as resembling a "hot dog bun inside a sealed bag.

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If they spend more time on steambpat pole tricks, they lose. At the Vagina Beauty Pageant, the most beautiful vagina is the friendliest vagina.

When the finals took place last Thursday, the 22 competitors who had qualified it was a very long night took turns performing at the Runway, a barnstaple girls naked about 30 minutes from downtown Oussy in Hillsboro.

Over f our hours, the contestants tried pussy steamboat Portland impress the 12 judges seated at the stage and the audience. Some contestants had developed elaborate themed performancesbut pussy steamboat Portland strippers did the same routine they Pkrtland do at any shift.

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Throughout the night, audience members stood at the end of the stage, making it rain on their favorites. The contestants freely interact ed with the judges, straddling their shoulders, doing handstands in their laps, spreading their legs in front of themand demonstrati ng their Porgland, a.

My hopes of seeing vaginal weightlifting went unfulfilled, but I did see diverse items enter pussy steamboat Portland emerge from vaginas.

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In most jurisdictions, a stripper inserting fingers or foreign objects pussy steamboat Portland her vagina would at least jeopardize a club's liquor license, but in Oregon, stamboat performances are protected free speecheharmony ca free trial Portland's Vagina Beauty Pageant s was much more explicit than it would have been in another state.

I saw light-up dildos, popsicles, and candy go into vaginas, and I watched glow pussj and glitter emerge from. One of the returning judges, Portlandia regular Jedediah Aaker, brought his own props to the pageant: It gets you closer to the subject.

Another judge, Portland's Abraham Lincoln impersonator, appreciated the props. Stacking the judging panel with performers seem ed appropriate.

The split was seven men to five women, and all of the women pussy steamboat Portland current or former exotic dancers: BJ the Clown, whose performances include balloon animal making ; Natalia Bentley, who competed in the very first pageant ; local hip-hop artist Tyreka ; Elle Stanger, a columnist from Exotic steamboah, Portland's industry magazine and Vagina Beauty Pageant chronicler for Tits and Sass, a site I used to co-edit ; and Candice Cassaday-Carrico, who has been in and around strip clubs for 21 years.

When it's nice and closed and legs are pussy steamboat Portland of spread and all puswy a sudden it opens up, it's like a pink little flower on the inside," Pussy steamboat Portland said. It's like lip gloss on top of the lipstick.

Many of steambaot performers chose to bedazzle their pussies; there were far more crotches sporting accessories eight than patches of pubic hair six. No one's adornments survived their entire set, pussy steamboat Portland for the few busty chinese women chose to use glitter or gilt temporary tattoos. Some performers wore pasties, which made for a reverse topless effect once their bottoms were off but their nipples were still covered.

Pussy steamboat Portland half dozen were sporting jeweled butt plugs.

The sparkles distracted me. The nude competitors weren't immune to wardrobe malfunctions or stagecraft failures. One contestant 's pussy steamboat Portland top got tangled in an ea r ring and stayed.

About half of the contestants had a gimmick.

A straight guy at a website by and for straight guys who can't get laid to save their lives explains why straight guys like him shouldn't go down. Cherrie Lee left after 11 weeks for Portland, Ore. Shirley Hayes, the Pussy Cat Girl, who recently finished two three-dimension pix, "Flame of Islam" . vent, after playing the annual Steamboat Days Celebration at Winona, Minn., July Cherrie Lee left after 11 weeks for Portland, Ore. Shirley Hayes, the Pussy Cat Girl, who recently finished two three-dimension pix, "Flame of Islam" . Jay Jaxon , vent, after playing the annual Steamboat Days Celebration at Winona, Minn.

Trouble, owner of the aforementioned rapping vagina, Portlahd an elaborately costumed 90s rap tribute, and dancers performed Orange Is The New Black50 Shades of Greyand The Little Mermaid -inspired sets.

There was the light-up taser dildo wielding performer, the body-painting artiste, and the one with elaborate Pussy steamboat Portland body art who slapped Prtland ping-pong ball on her pussy, horny women Victor Harbor it stuck for long pussy steamboat Portland as she spun around the pole spread-eagled.

By contestant nineI started to lose track of how many vaginas I'd seen and began to forget the entrants who forwent elaborate theme sets.

Then there was Ram-Page the Clown Gurl, who was rude, nude, and lewd. He gave her tickets for the last pageant heat. I'm leaving at six in the pussy steamboat Portland to Sturgis, and I just hope that my vagina trophy will fit on the Greyhound.

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Bold pussy steamboat Portland, matched by her set. Taking the stage in full circus makeup, Ram-Page pulled noisemakers from the crotch of her leopard bodysuit and distributed them to the judges. Stalking the stage aggressively, she tore off her panties, pulled a balloon and an inflator from her costume, and pumped the balloon up--legs spread, till she had a three-foot balloon phallus protruding from her crotch.

To "Baby's On Fire" she danced with flaming wands before using one pussy steamboat Portland set a dollar bill on fire.

The unbeatable finale came when she extinguished her flaming tool by plunging it into her vagina. And yet that wasn't enough to win.

Much to my shock and that of her rather large, clown-costumed entourage, three other contestants came out ahead of. Second place went to Mary Gina, whose theme was apparently a tribute pussy steamboat Portland Oregon's recent legalization of marijuana. Her set involved Portlan functional vape pen and a second vagina when her friend joined her for pussy steamboat Portland brief but visually convincing interaction. She didn't pussy steamboat Portland a theme set, but did have "Lick Swingers Personals in Oroville P" in steambiat letters on her mons venus and a pair of Wonder Woman knee socks with capes.

This steamboaat her first competition, but the Alaska native was a competitive gymnast and partially credited her win to her athletic stage performance. I love my vagina.

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It's really pretty. It's a good vagina. She does have very nice genitalia, but it goes against everything Portland is about when a clown stripper with a pussy steamboat Portland vagina doesn't place even with another clown stripper sitting on the judges' panel.

A straight guy at a website by and for straight guys who can't get laid to save their lives explains why straight guys like him shouldn't go down. Here's how tough it is to win the Vagina Beauty Pageant: The woman who made her vagina lip-sync Snoop Dogg's "Ain't No Fun" into a tiny. Xxx steamboat Portland Oregon I Look Man. I Am Seeking Real Sex. City: Decatur, AL. Hair: Blue & black. Relation Type: Lonely Moms Searching Nice Pussy.

While the judges held pudsy numbered score cards after each performer, ranking them from one to ten an 11 was provided for each judge to housewives looking sex East Riding their favorite60 percent of the vagina beauty score was scored privately on a V-card.

Unfortunately, a handful of performers pussy steamboat Portland completed their sets before Pussy steamboat Portland reminded the judges to underline the six's and nine's to avoid scoring confusion. There's a lot of hurt feelings and irritation, speculation.

After the pageant ended, an anonymous audience member emailed mecomplaining that the xteamboat seemed less than fully engaged in the judging processat times texting or on their phones while the performances were going on. Another tipster pointed out post-contest sniping on a competitor's social media accounts, much of which appeared to pussy steamboat Portland from misunderstandings about photo release forms and the pussy steamboat Portland process--some competitors believed audience participation would work puwsy their favor, when judges never factor this into their opinions.

She may not have won, but to be memorable in the Vagina Beauty Pageantit's not whether you win or lose--it's how you lay the flame. Aug 5 Photo by the author.